Coriander Chutney and Food Fiction

Coriander chutney was the first thing I ground when I got my Mixer!

 Fig. 1. Coriander Chutney

Many long years had I spent without a mixer and without great chutney. Finally the day came when I got myself a mixer and I lost no time getting together some coriander, (some mint is optional), green chillies, garlic, jeera, coconut, lime juice, salt and ground myself some green heaven! It went on idlis, dosas, sandwiches, you name it and it was slathered with this chutney! In a matter of days I became desperately dependent on my mixer. Now I simply cannot do without it any more! If anything happens to my mixer I will have to get down on my knees and beg for its well-being, "Bhagwaan, mainey aaj tak tumsey bohot kuch maanga hai... Ek aur cheez mujhey de de Bhagwaan!"

You can see that there is lots of nonsense overflowing with my chutney today. Sometimes it just cannot be contained. And if you give me events like "Of Chalks and Chopsticks", hosted this month by Sra of "When my Soup Came Alive", then I grab them with both hands and let the nonsense begin. (Disclaimer: The following story is free-flowing fiction with no commercial affiliations.)

The Princess and the Chutney

According to the legend..

..it was Princess Sumeetrangini who first discovered coriander. The distressed damsel was lost in the woods, when she chanced upon this divinely scented jadibooti. She was so enamored by the delicate 'erb, that when she returned, the bravest and the best were commissioned to procure coriander and satisfy her craving for its chutney. But the perils of the journey were so great that few remained to tell their tale.

Prince Vikramaditya was the Crown-Prince of the illustrious kingdom of Adityapore. When he heard about Sumeetrangini's unparalleled beauty and the legend of her desire for coriander chutney, he decided to undertake the perilous journey to obtain the mystic 'erb for the craving beauty.

The brave Prince scaled mountains, swam rivers, pierced forests, fought terrors and finally obtained a bunch of coriander!! Armed with the rare bouquet he arrived at the Palace to meet the enchanting Princess...

Sumeetrangini's Father, the mighty King, called upon his daughter's chambers and said, "Darling, I have good news! A daring Prince has brought you your prized 'erb. He wishes to have your hand in marriage."

Princess Sumeetrangini, however, was not amused. "Nahiiiiiiiiiiin............!!!" she cried out.

"Father.. it's very sweet of him to have got me coriander.. Don't get me wrong, I love coriander. But...

I cannot marry just about anyone who gets me an 'erb! Firstly, I am sick of fairy tales where Heros get the Princess because they fight a stupid troll or gift a silly stone. I, for one, am not a material girl!

Secondly, I love coriander, but that is exactly why I scaled mountains, I swam rivers, I pierced forests, I fought terrors and obtained coriander seeds!! Now we have acres and acres of land growing coriander for our kingdom! This Prince is hopelessly out of touch with current events!!

Father, I cannot marry Prince Vikramaditya!"

"Whatev!" growled the mighty King, "He's in the Palace living room now. Deal with him. But remember, Princess... Be nice!"

The Princess had not expected this outcome. All that drama for nothing, she thought. Suddenly she even felt bad for the poor Prince. All the effort he took to get coriander, and now she had to break his little heart. But she had to stand by her principles. She had an idea.. perhaps she could get out of this match as well as not break the Prince's heart..

Princess Sumeetrangini quickly changed into her Royal Running Ghaagra and took off the back door for a quick 2 miler. She eased into it with a slow jog, then she picked up speed and gave it all her best. Confident that the Prince could see her tearing across the Palace gardens at the speed of light, sweating rivulets, clothes drenched in gross perspiration, hair wet and lanky, nose running faster than her feet, wiping the sweat off her tomato-red face, the Princess arrived at the Palace door.

From the corner of her eye, Sumeetrangini could see the Prince gawking as she entered the Palace living room. She could leave no stone unturned! She wiped her sweaty face with one hand and runny-nose with the other. Then she looked up at the Prince in feigned surprise, "Oh, Hi... I'm Princess Sumeetrangini, and you are..." she stretched out her icky-sticky hand to the Prince...

The Prince was looking at Sumeetrangini with open mouthed wonder as he..

... rushed forward and took her sticky hand, shook vigorously, gushing, "You just clocked a 4 minute mile there!! I run too, but not as fast as you!" The Princess couldn't help a fit of uncontrollable coughing... that was the only way to force breath into her numb lungs.

"I'm Vikramaditya. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Princess! I had heard so much about you!" he continued. "Somehow it never came up that you run, though. And are you fast or what! And, hey, you are using old fashioned mojari for running!! And that ghaagra!! Jeepers! Princess, you could be so much better using some of the new running mojari we have recently invented.. and also, what I call, Shorts. Oh, perhaps you don't know.. I am an Inventor. As in, I am a Prince and all that ya-ya-ya, but in my spare time I collaborate with the worksmen in our kingdom and together we try to create new things."

"New things?"

"Yeah, it could be anything. For instance, we invented running mojari to improve running posture. And the shorts are .. umm, maybe we could go into those details sometime later... When I heard about your love for chutney, we set about inventing something to make chutney. Here.. "

The Prince reached into his shagun gift-bag, pulled out his bouquet of green coriander and along with it, a shiny metal container with four sharp blades. He placed it on the royal coffee table. "We call it a mixer. We put the coriander inside.. " he proceeded to demonstrate, "and crank this shaft that gears into the blades. They rotate at a much higher speed and the coriander quickly grinds into a chutney! How about that! Isn't that easier than making chutney on the heavy, old fashioned grinding stone you probably use?"

Sumeetrangini stood quite dazed. She couldn't believe what she had just seen! Chutney in 2 minutes! She was reeling at the possibilities of using this device! "It's manual, so you still have to hand crank the shaft," the Prince went on apologetically, "You see we have yet to invent electricity."

"Electricity?" gasped the Princess.

"Well.. to tell you the truth, Princess, I am not quite sure what electricity is.. see, it hasn't been invented yet. But, the sound of the word just feels like it may be useful to invent whatever it means.. Ee-leck-tri-city!" The Prince was almost in seventh heaven with that thought.

Together the Prince and Princess stood there, gazing at the shiny metal, dreaming about a day when there might be a mixer that runs on electricity and churns out an infinite supply of coriander chutney.

Vikramaditya clasped Sumeetrangini's sticky hands, gazed deep into her eyes and said, "Sumeet.. my love.. you are everything I had dreamed of, and more! Will you take me and my mixer and grind by my side for as long as we live?"

Sumeet fluttered her long lashes at the Prince and smiled coyly. She turned to the Readers of another silly tale, the Possessors of infinite patience and generosity, shrugged and apologized, "We are living in a material world.. I guess, I am a material girl!"

Thanks for reading, everyone! Cheers and 'ave a great day!